New motherhood is overwhelming as much as it is joy. I found the first three months most exhausting and I wish someone was there to tell me the three secrets that could have saved me many nights of tears.
1.Self Love- don’t be ashamed of it!
Self love and self care are mostly understood as spending me-time, wearing a face mask, doing manicure or drinking coffee but it’s not that superficial.
Self love is understanding and accepting your needs- physical and emotional.
➡️It is demanding that you sleep 8 hours to function normally and not survive on 4 hours sleep that most new moms do.
➡️It is demanding to eat when you are hungry and not when the baby/family is done.
➡️It is demanding to have your pre baby life back or a marginal resemblance of it.
➡️It is accepting your postpartum body and not worry about loosing weight or how your husband is going to perceive your body.
➡️ It is having a love life even after baby. Going on dates, long walks and sunsets.
Women/Mothers have been conditioned to sacrifice more than any other member in the family. To believe that the sacrifices makes them pure/ better and their families nourished. The thought is absolutely patriarchal and wholely detrimental to a woman’s health.
Share the load with your partner. Next time they complain that you are grumpy explain to them why you are and what they can do to help you.
No women just don’t often have mood swings- there is a trigger for everything. We deserve that happiness! Let’s claim our right.
2.Social Comparison and Anxiety
We all want that picture perfect life. Someone’s flat belly. Her perfect relationship with her husband. Someone’s loving mother-in-law who is so broad minded. Her prodigal kids who are freaking clever.
It is natural to compare- we have been tuned to do it from childhood in the form of school-rank-hierarchy and competition.
But it isn’t healthy if these comparisons are ruining your peace of mind. Especially as a mom , we tend to compare children’s milestones and loose our calm. We compare our lifestyles with our peer group and wonder how does she always look so kept when I can’t manage a cup of tea in peace !
Here are some ways you can turn your comparisons around to your benefit:
➡️ Have Mentors: Role models play a big role in shaping our aspirations without making us feel competitive. Instead of wanting to achieve your “friends” life look up to say Beyonce and aim to create a life like hers.
➡️Support group: We all need those friends who we can go with any trouble and not be judged for it. Keep your 2am group closest
➡️Partner up: Have a buddy who shares your aspirations and life goals and uplift each other all along !
➡️Count blessings : it is important to recollect all the goodness in your life and do it often. A gratitude journal helps immensely
➡️Avoid Frenemies: we know who they are and we all have them. It is plain toxic. In today’s lockdown world it is easier to ditch them . So do it now.
➡️Admit to your insecurities. It is one thing lying to your neighbour about a perfect life but it’s another lying to yourself. Accept your life as it is and try your best to make it better.
You are Enough ! First step to happiness is indeed Satisfaction with what you have at hand.
3. Life organisation.
‼️What’s the most precious thing as a mom? Time right ! What if I told you – you can save a good 1.5 hours a day for yourself by just following these simple steps.
➡️ A place for everything and if there is no place the said thing has to go. This principle works for all baby belongings. Use one in one out policy for stuff you buy.
➡️ Only 20 items of play out in a week others to be stored in boxes to rotate.Have bins/ boxes for toys so it’s easy for child to help you clean. Have a clean up routine with child before bedtime (applicable to all ages)
➡️Plan your week’s meal menu and shop all groceries at once on Saturdays. Seperate veggies by day and pack up in fridge. Sundays is for meal prep ( pre make batches of ginger-garlic paste, onion tomato curry, boiling channas , making batter etc. Cook one pot. I spent on the whole 1 hour a day in the kitchen for all three meals together.
➡️Lists are a waste of precious time for me. So much time goes into making lists that I never finish the chores. Have one magnetic board on the fridge and write to-do on it whenever you can.
➡️Use a calender to write down extra curricular activities of family members for the next week and display in living room
➡️Designate a space for your unwanted. Use a huge box where u can dump unwanted stuff and re-home/dispose. This saves so much clutter
➡️ Do laundry in batches and not everyday. A three member family – twice a week is sufficient to manage
➡️ Involve kids in house chores.. even 3 yr olds in simple stuff like- throw this in the bin, sit with me and cook, dry this utensil I wash and stack.
Preparation is Key. Decluttering is yoga too . Eyes on the price. Imagine what all you can enjoy with extra 90 mins everyday
This post is written for Blogchatter’s cause a chatter