A Mother’s Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries

After motherhood my life didn’t seem like my own. In reality I was too tired to bother about boundaries. I needed help from family and friends and slowly I traded my privacy for help. Privacy isn’t strictly physical boundaries. It also counts who’s opinions you let alter your life and how much say they have in your decisions. This is where healthy boundaries matter.

Setting healthy boundaries

Many of us are familiar with the term but often interpret it as building protective walls around us to safeguard our emotions. It’s seldom practical and often ineffective to be rigid about boundaries like a wall. Boundaries are fluid.

How does healthy boundaries look ?

➡️ Sharing information about yourself appropriately. The internet/ (substitute here the person who gives you pain in the ass) neighbour doesn’t need to know how much screentime/ snacks you gave your child today. Don’t share what will bring you discomfort.

➡️ Understand your needs and wants and be confident to communicate them. If you are having a rough day talk to your husband about taking a day off from his work/ coming home early to relieve you.
If you want to go shopping that day request the grandparents if they can watch over your baby.

➡️ Value your own opinions. If you do not respect and express yourself with confidence how can you expect others to respect you?


➡️Self doubt is the biggest evil of all . Stop doubting if you made the right parenting decision each time. Your gut knows what your baby needs. Trust your instincts and for health related issues always refer to professionals and not Facebook groups.

➡️Accept when others say -No. This is our biggest foe. We want to win all our battles. This is impossible. Choose which of them you want to win and which you can afford to loose. Once you allow others their boundaries they will reward you with yours.

➡️Do not bring work home if possible. Or set strict hours of non-work related family time. Be device free and fully available and attentive to family. This applies to your spouse as well.

➡️Have help. It takes a village to parent. Do not expect yourself to fill all the shoes. It’s not less womanly to delegate household chores/ baby care.

Setting healthy boundaries can limit your body’s exposure to stress and harmful release of adrenaline and cortisol. This will preserve your mental health as well.

Setting boundaries will save you from Fatigue and Mom burn out. It definitely made me a happier mom and a better one. Mental health is as important as Physical health.

This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla.

20 Comments Add yours

  1. It definitely takes a village to parent a child. I’ve been lucky to have my parents closeby as my husband was stationed out of India for work. I’ve mostly managed all by my own with help always a phone away.

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  2. simritbedi says:

    Agree with you completely. It tooknme a long time to do things for myself after T was born. My husband is very supportive. One biggest mistake which I made was that I never asked for help when I reall needed!

    Like

  3. pamela says:

    I loved the pointers you mentioned here. I have been lucky to have wonderful parents especially my mom is superb supportive . I can relate these points as a woman especially if you belong to the patriarchy society.

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  4. wickedlyours says:

    So rightly written and what a mom-o-licious share!! We can as mothers all relate to it and should remember to keep these points always in mind because they are so relevant!!! Awesome!

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  5. All the pointers are perfect. I’m really lucky enough to get understanding and supportive parents by my side. I needed this as I’m a single person to bring my sons up.

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  6. Monidipa Dutta says:

    It is essential to have personal boundaries in order to have healthy relationships. Personal Boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. … Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships can be mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring.

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  7. Mayuri6 says:

    There is no fixed formula when it comes to parenting, as each parent has their own way of bringing up their child. Setting healthy boundaries is one way to maintain one’s sanity and you have made some very valid points and suggestions here, Arul.

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  8. Very well penned down….. Great read.

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  9. aditi says:

    I remember looking for suggestions from everyone after my first baby. It just added to my worries because for each suggestion, I had a better alternative;)
    You see, now I understand what you have written!

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  10. Harjeet Kaur says:

    Wonderful tips you have listed out. In our time dads didn’t help at all…it was all my duty and never had time for myself actually

    Like

  11. Raunica says:

    i think for some peace, “Accept when others say -No. ” is so valid but often neglected. very practical and completely relatable pointers. Sharing info appropriately is so true too…sometimes we just go on a rant and well TMI and we open ourselves to conflict

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  12. Ritu says:

    I am not a parent, but each point you listed had me nodding in agreement. Particularly “Value your own opinions.” I am sure this is going to be useful for all mothers out there struggling to set boundaries.

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  13. Vasumathi says:

    Everybody loves to judge and offer advice. Smile politely, hear what they say and do what you think is correct for you, your child and your family. And yes, some things are better when left unshared.

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  14. Madhu Bindra says:

    Great post. Even 50 years back when men rarely helped with the kids, my husband was always there to support. God bless his soul.

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  15. Archana says:

    Absolutely agree with it; setting healthy boundaries saves mothers from going into the depression phase also. I couldn’t agree more on it when you said, ‘health-related issues always refer to professionals and not Facebook groups’. I really find it a waste of time to discuss everything in an open Facebook group.

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  16. Mom burn out is real and happens mainly because we dont set boundaries and try to please every one.

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  17. Very helpful post, setting boundaries is the sanest advice anyone could give. It helps us to save ourselves from unnecessary stress.

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  18. Abha Mondal says:

    I agree that setting boundaries will save us from Fatigue and Mom burn out. Mental health is very important when it comes to parenting.

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  19. Self doubt raises many issues and it is better that we have courage to face the change and accept the help when needed than trying to become super woman. I liked the point that only that much be shared with neighbours and friends that does not harm ourself later in life.

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  20. Arti Singh says:

    Wonderful tips you have listed out. In our time dads didn’t help at all… it was mom who was our go to for everything ..Lovely peice

    Like

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