There was a time when we were trying for our baby. It is a desperate, lonely and terrible feeling to not be able to get pregnant as soon as you decided you want you.
Trust me, we had all the medical, social and financial support that few did. I had a strong circle of positive people around me that I could talk to about it openly and was always given love when needed. But I was extremely unhappy through my journey. Maybe it’s the hormones, maybe it was the situation in itself.
That moved on, we conceived. I had a difficult first trimester. We were scared we were losing Sey but he was one tough nut and he held on to me and I to him. I successfully delivered him 4 weeks before he was expected but the control freak that I am, I was fully prepared with bags packed and ready for him.
I expected to be internally happy, soaring and joyous. Imagine my shock when I was doubly depressed, feeling unloved and terribly tired.
There was a time a few months after he was born that I questioned if I should have even have had a baby. Was it for me? Maybe am not cut out to be a mom.
I later learnt this was how PPD felt. A shake from my best friend who clearly pointed out from where these feelings were coming and they were definitively not coming from my baby.
Happiness is in the small things. If you set a goal and expect to be happy only if you get it, then even when you do, you will end up getting tired like I did. Let life unfold gather all your positive energies and let life be. Yes it’s mighty unfair sometimes.
But everything happens for a reason!