Let’s talk Infertility: How not to let it affect your Relationships

#infertilityawarenessweek is celebrated every year in the first week of August. It happens to 1in 8 couples around the world

It has taken me two years to find these words. I am not a half woman.

Even though I knew infertility was a possibility I didn’t believe it would happen to me. If you are trying to get pregnant and unsuccessful remember you are 1 in 8 (yes it’s that common)!
No one ever talks about it. There are still parts of my story that I am uncomfortable to share publicly, It is ok!
The follicular scans are endless, the failed cycles seemed like the end. The waiting hours at the clinic was slowly killing my spirit but what I let hurt most was that we had stopped our lives completely and were only talking and planning about this infertility.

Our relationship was a race for those two red lines on the test and every time I failed to produce it, I died a little. Some days I refused to accept that test to be true and would madly repeat it day after day. I did go a little mad.
The guilt attached with the discovery is unwarranted. I am no half women but that’s how it felt. That’s how we were conditioned to think and the painful feeling of having let down your partner somehow. Well, how could you have ? You were just 1 in 8.
Not many talk about it but infertility is bloody costly. We were battling a lot of wars at once and living a double life. I remember we would lie to his parents about going out for coffee and go for scans. The state is sad. Parents should speak to children about this.
Parents should stop asking couples when they intend to get pregnant. There were times when I almost lost it hearing the question.
I tell couples who call me to not make it the centre of their lives. To have alternate plans and to just let go sometimes.
Truth is the pain of infertility does not end in childbirth. How could it when you have let it overtake your life for so many years ? I realised as a couple we were now as close to strangers. Our wound still bled. The family who failed to understand still very much around us. I don’t blame them. They couldn’t have imagined what we went through and it didn’t occur to them to try.
Infertility is not a disease it’s a state of mind.
What worked for me ?

➡️ Talking to my friend who just happened to be a gynecologist too ( yes I was a lucky ass)
➡️ Keeping my mind open to medical options and not resisting in the name of social pressure.
➡️Keeping all the important decisions within me and my husband. I even went through a day surgery and got back home in the pretext of shopping and silently lay in my room.
➡️ If you have a supportive family background then the best thing is to share with them but nevertheless let decisions be yours and yours alone. Your body, your choice.
➡️ Realise that there are many invasive options available and every treatment has it’s own set of side effects. Read, talk to your doctor and discuss with your partner. Though a child may seem all important do think of your body and health foremost before deciding anything. You need to be healthy to take care of the baby after it is here.
➡️ Plan treatments around your life and not vice versa. I took a break , went on a trip with my friends, got back, packed my bags and went for a vacay with husband, returned and went straight to the doctor’s table. That cycle worked ! Not the 6 others before where I was dedicated to my health and our treatment
➡️ It made sense then. The importance of letting go. I had decided if that cycle didnt work in the next two months I was to go backpacking to Europe with friends. The treatment was not the centre of my mind and I had let go.
➡️ We were okay if we didn’t make a child, we were trying our best. This is the primal mindset one must enter with when starting. Sit and talk to your partner about this.
➡️ Choose a good facility that has enough lab support. IVF is extremely lab and techniques sensitive. You can do this only by reaching out to couples and listening to their experience. Which is why it is important for couples who were successful to talk about it.

This post is written as a part of #blogchattera2z challenge

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