It’s a popular joke that Indian parents wouldn’t let you talk to strange boys but will willingly arrange you to bed one. Well, the scenario is not that extreme these days but ones got to accept that it’s a little bit icky. No one knows how this arranged marriage formula works. Yet after a comedy of errors we celebrated our 8th anniversary this year.
Mind you, both me and the hubster are very millenial though we were 90’s kids. You may call us ahead of our times. As soon as my man received news of the proposal he decided he was fed up of the rituals of an arranged marriage and landed at my workplace determined to have a word with me before the formalities of the parents meeting each other. But you see he was a 90s kid, he couldn’t muster the courage to walk up to a stranger girl and announce that our families intended to marry us. So he quietly left without much say and I was narrated this story many weeks after I married him.
My friends on the other hand took to sleuthing. They loved me that much- that they spied with the help of a friend’s friend’s friend who happened to work at the same hospital as my future beau. “Ask your friends to stop spying on me please”, he requested after he said yes to me.
What else are we to gauge this strange association by? I wish someone told me this when I was in my early twenties and meeting guys out of a matrimony site. Parents- you might as well let us date. So you are at an arranged coffee date. What do you talk about other than your hobbies and if you are Marvel or DC?
These are my top 5 things a girl should look out for in a conversation with a prospective match
1. Sense of Humour
Why is that my number one? Because more than once this has saved us from strenuous arguments and awkward scenarios. By humour you needn’t be a qualified stand up comedian to get laid. What I mean is, look out for someone who can see the light side to things when you are serious and flustered. Someone who would care enough to want to make you laugh. Roses may wither but a friend marathon won’t.
2. Similar Life Goals
Write down some materialistic things that you would not want to miss after marriage. For me it was travel, shoe shopping splurges and dinner dates. Talk about the silly things and see how they react to it. This will help you gauge if you have the same wavelength and interests. The devil is in the details.
3. Talk about children
In the current scenario infertility affects 1 in 10 couple. Yes, it’s very common so also are the solutions to it. It’s not wrong to plan ahead about children and childcare when you are getting into an arranged marriage. Talk about parenting idealogies and work life after children. The conversation will open a lot of windows to where your partner sees themselves with you in a few years. If you don’t want kids that’s something you must discuss ahead surely.
4. Where do you plan to live
While some may embrace living with the parents the current generation sees a lot of couple moving out after marriage and setting up their own abode. With this comes responsibility and financial challenges as well. Nevertheless ones preference should match with the other regarding the join or nuclear family lifestyle. This is something you need to discuss thoroughly before saying yes to marriage. It truly is a joining of two families but your life is in the centre of this jolly merry-go-round. Buckle up and take charge.
5. Talking about relationships
Why in the very first meet ? Well, why not ? By relationships I do not mean exclusively the romantic ones but strong friendships that you wouldn’t want to loose after marriage because you shouldn’t. Your partner must understand that your lives are joining and not expect you to change any part of yourself as this wouldn’t last long either. It is my opinion that they both discuss their past and accept each other before heading towards a future together.
Honesty is really the best policy. You may lose out a proposal but rest assured you are losing only one that wouldn’t suit you anyways. The problem with the previous generation is that especially when they have a girl at home they start looking at each marriage proposal as a board exam. It’s not about passing or failing guys it’s about spending the rest of our lives harmoniously.
Give the couple ample time to know each other and fully understand what they are getting into. Ask your parents at least a six months dating time before the knot is tied. It’s okay to say No ! It’s just not okay to live a pretense the rest of your life.
XOXO
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HappyMomLifestyle 
So agree with all the pointers about arrange marriage , especially the basic one that parents must understand that two completely strange souls deserve at least 3-4 meet before deciding to tie the knot ultimately it is the matter of whole life.
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The perspectives will change with our generation hopefully dear.
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This was an interesting read and I really like your pointers. Indeed having similar life goals and know each other before hand always helped in happy and successful married life
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Marriage is a lifelong and continuous relationship activity. Arranged Marriages have evolved over the years and have seen generations after generations walk that path. Even in love marriages, couples discover new facets of each other and often surprise themselves. GenZ has a different take on marriage. They are very clear what they expect from life and their partners. This post is a good starting point but i guess financial security, health scorecard are also the calibration tools for arranged marriage.
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Marriage is a commitment for life and while it’s the most sacred relationship, other realtions should not loose sheen because u are married. My husband n I had a very candid chat b4 we decided to take the plunge n the reason v told yes to one another is because we chose to be open n speak out our mind so v dont have regrets later
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Great points. I would say not just arranged but in love marriage too these points must be thought throughly.
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Helpful post! I am going to follow this like a checklist! I wonder what to ask/talk beyond hobbies in such scenarios. Now I know if i like someone initially what next.
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I agree with you. Marriage is the moat sacred union of two individuals. So its very important to be upfront and discuss every aspect before committing to each other. Or else, it not only impacts the individuals but also the families and children
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Very correctly penned. It is vital to talk about your dreams, your opinions on certain aspects of life, etc.. After all, marriage is all about compatibility. Now no more ‘adjustments’ takes place. Every individual has its own view and opinion, which can not be suppressed after marriage.
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Marriage is the commitment between two families also. Loved reading your post.
https://swarnaz.com/
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Each pointers speaks well for betterment future.
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That’s an interesting post. I would have never thought of it like this even though I had an arranged marriage. I did have my own set of parameters to check and I wanted to date longer than 6 months but that’s what I got. Great pointers!
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Loved reading this. Indeed, these are things we should talk about with the would be partner and be honest with them… It is very important we are on the same page before things escalate.
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Me and my husband had small talk when we met for the first time but later discussed many things and that made us clear for our future.
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I feel that marriage as a whole is gamble, irrespective of whether it’s an arranged marriage or love marriage. It’s impossible to be so practical as it’s destiny.
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Mine was an arranged marriage and it was the best decision of my life. What worked was the commitment to be there in thick and thin for each other. Also mutual respect and love for each other ❤️
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I agree. My friend had been meeting guys for arrange marriage for last two years and now recently married.. She also had told me these things. True. Planning and consideration of aims, life values and future talk is essential…
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Hey, your pointers were good, mine was an arranged marriage without much talk but gradually understood each other. These can be kept in mind but if one can’t get the time for this then go with the flow.
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I am totally inexperienced about an arranged marriage but have many friends who have gone through the ordeal. I think I should forward your article to all the marriage-minded individuals, it will be of great help!
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I had a similar experience with my spouse. Got to know each other through family and then spent significant amount talking and getting to know each other before making a decision. No marriage either love or arranged is perfect.
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I think I should forward your article to marriage-minded people of my acquaintance. It might help lessen their ordeal
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i think we need to discuss this while saying yes to a love marriage too. I wish I had spoken about all this before we got married. Pakka we would have delayed the ceremony hahahahaha
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We also talked – but about a whole set of different things… 🙂
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