It’s a popular joke that Indian parents wouldn’t let you talk to strange boys but will willingly arrange you to bed one. Well, the scenario is not that extreme these days but ones got to accept that it’s a little bit icky. No one knows how this arranged marriage formula works. Yet after a comedy of errors we celebrated our 8th anniversary this year.
Mind you, both me and the hubster are very millenial though we were 90’s kids. You may call us ahead of our times. As soon as my man received news of the proposal he decided he was fed up of the rituals of an arranged marriage and landed at my workplace determined to have a word with me before the formalities of the parents meeting each other. But you see he was a 90s kid, he couldn’t muster the courage to walk up to a stranger girl and announce that our families intended to marry us. So he quietly left without much say and I was narrated this story many weeks after I married him.
My friends on the other hand took to sleuthing. They loved me that much- that they spied with the help of a friend’s friend’s friend who happened to work at the same hospital as my future beau. “Ask your friends to stop spying on me please”, he requested after he said yes to me.
What else are we to gauge this strange association by? I wish someone told me this when I was in my early twenties and meeting guys out of a matrimony site. Parents- you might as well let us date. So you are at an arranged coffee date. What do you talk about other than your hobbies and if you are Marvel or DC?
These are my top 5 things a girl should look out for in a conversation with a prospective match
1. Sense of Humour
Why is that my number one? Because more than once this has saved us from strenuous arguments and awkward scenarios. By humour you needn’t be a qualified stand up comedian to get laid. What I mean is, look out for someone who can see the light side to things when you are serious and flustered. Someone who would care enough to want to make you laugh. Roses may wither but a friend marathon won’t.
2. Similar Life Goals
Write down some materialistic things that you would not want to miss after marriage. For me it was travel, shoe shopping splurges and dinner dates. Talk about the silly things and see how they react to it. This will help you gauge if you have the same wavelength and interests. The devil is in the details.
3. Talk about children
In the current scenario infertility affects 1 in 10 couple. Yes, it’s very common so also are the solutions to it. It’s not wrong to plan ahead about children and childcare when you are getting into an arranged marriage. Talk about parenting idealogies and work life after children. The conversation will open a lot of windows to where your partner sees themselves with you in a few years. If you don’t want kids that’s something you must discuss ahead surely.
4. Where do you plan to live
While some may embrace living with the parents the current generation sees a lot of couple moving out after marriage and setting up their own abode. With this comes responsibility and financial challenges as well. Nevertheless ones preference should match with the other regarding the join or nuclear family lifestyle. This is something you need to discuss thoroughly before saying yes to marriage. It truly is a joining of two families but your life is in the centre of this jolly merry-go-round. Buckle up and take charge.
5. Talking about relationships
Why in the very first meet ? Well, why not ? By relationships I do not mean exclusively the romantic ones but strong friendships that you wouldn’t want to loose after marriage because you shouldn’t. Your partner must understand that your lives are joining and not expect you to change any part of yourself as this wouldn’t last long either. It is my opinion that they both discuss their past and accept each other before heading towards a future together.
Honesty is really the best policy. You may lose out a proposal but rest assured you are losing only one that wouldn’t suit you anyways. The problem with the previous generation is that especially when they have a girl at home they start looking at each marriage proposal as a board exam. It’s not about passing or failing guys it’s about spending the rest of our lives harmoniously.
Give the couple ample time to know each other and fully understand what they are getting into. Ask your parents at least a six months dating time before the knot is tied. It’s okay to say No ! It’s just not okay to live a pretense the rest of your life.
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