Featured

Bitches – Can’t live with them, Cannot survive without them

There comes a point in a girl’s life where she realizes that her soulmate, her better half the person who truly completes her doesn’t have to necessarily be her lover. No don’t get me wrong, I am not discussing same sex relationships but in fact loosely defining the word bitch to encompass both genders. 

 

Who is your bitch? 

Your 2 am phone call. The person who you would gladly let see the dripping mascara face. The one with whom you have truly no filter. 

They know your darkest secrets and probably helped you bury a few. They have held your hands during the sins and slightly enjoyed sinning with you ❤  

We are social animals.

Your Instagram may carry the most aesthetic click of a vegan salad but only she knows that you downed it with half a bottle of Baileys. She/he knows your other half.

It’s basically like the confessions of a catholic minus the guilt.

Everyone needs that person/people with whom they can be their truest self. Altruism causes more heart breaks than cheating on your spouse does.

At some level they are your moral, social and happiness compass and this is not just one sided. This symbiotic relationship is by far the most unsung in human history and friendship is a very loose term to define it. I would call it sisterhood but my bitch is a guy and with matters of the heart gender is never a defining factor. 

Earn them, value them and celebrate them.

There is an unwritten code that develops between you both, one that is most sacred and surpasses human laws. You need these people to survive not just the next decade but probably a couple more after that.

This was what your whole 20s should have been about- collecting your tribe and maturing enough to be true to them.  

Very few lucky ones are bound to their best friends even by the flesh. A perfect union of sorts of the heart and the body. I don’t believe in mixing this kind of love with sex (more on this in the following chapters). Am not saying dealings of the bedroom are dirty but in reality can one have their cake and eat it too ? 

Then there is the dallying case of Frenemies !! 

This oxymoron is the verbal actualization of a double-edged sword and the utangible tension that comprises this bond is what makes it super important in your 30s. They are the people you admire or are drawn to for some unimaginable reason but the very same that you also despise and are partly poisonous to your existence. 

When you enter into this decade appreciate the greys. You cannot throw everybody you don’t like out of your lives. It’s not practical and downright suicidal to do so. There are atleast some that you have to put up with for varying reasons. Top of my mind is, they may be your best friends lover/wife.  

How does this work then without ruining your peace of mind? 

Understand that they are both your ally and your competitor – there is no single box ! 

If at repeated situations their success is unnerving you and pushing you over the edge, step back and analyze do you hate them for who they are or is it a protective mechanism for your ego to project hate in order to cover your FOMO? 

Do we make frenemies only of people who we feel are at a upper hand/ better position/ equal position fro us, while we always fraternize the underdogs? 

Frenemies are always closer to us than we would like to accept. Someone who isn’t near you cannot hurt you. There you go- think how near you are letting them be. 

Use the anger for motivation. Every superhero requires an arch nemesis. There is no greatness without rivalry. Feed on it to step up and grow. 

Featured

Happiness Begin With YOU

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This day 15 months back!!❤️ ❤️
A little human had been in my life and managed to turn it 360 degrees and a quarter.
I feel like I have known him for ages. I know what he is gonna do next second, I know what he feels and what he is trying to say.
But I wasn’t always like this. 15 months ago I was clueless. I didn’t even know how to hold him. He was so tiny and pink and fragile. The first time he held my hand and I burst into happy tears at that time it felt like a desperate plea from him to hold on. I held. We both survived.
Dear new mommy, right now you might seem clueless, you might even hate the parenting demands. Understand that it’s okay to be overwhelmed with all this. It gets better, trust me. It gets really good.
I wasn’t one of those mothers who naturally parented right. I made mistakes and learnt and made some more mistakes. Its okay!! Don’t beat yourself.
You are the best mother your baby can have. Each day will bring in new lesson. Let’s Learn together.

It Girl- to be or not to be

She turns heads whenever she enters a room, she is every women’s envy and every man’s dream. But does she exist for real? An ‘it girl’ can never be defined, she lives in the mystery of the word. She is the personification of human desire. She is famous for being famous. She has style, she creates fashion statements, she goes to the elite parties, she is part of the exclusive clans and scandals are made of her.  Something like the Kardashians. Yup, that escalated quickly ! Now let us revisit- does she really exist?

Researching for this piece was the most fun of all the posts. I got to reading about the lives of some of the earlier ‘it girls’. My favourite was of Nan Kempner who rules the 1960s with her style and pedigree. A Yves Saint Laurent fanatic as she was, Miss Kempner was taken aback when a maitre d told her she couldn’t enter his restaurant in trousers. This magnanimous social butterfly dropped her trousers and walked elegantly into the restaurant with just her jacket.

What makes them so attractive is that they live a life of glamour that is unachievable to us common folk. They don’t have just fans, they have followers, fanatics who screen shot their every move on social media and to think these were common girls who dreamt just like you and me. How are they now living it?

Well to be frank the stories of it girls of the 21st century are never self made. Its not really rags to riches that you dream of. They have al had overtly ambitious parents behind them , pushing them to the glory they reluctantly seem to accept. Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner both had strong mothers who launched them into society but truly our society is no longer in the elite gatherings and clubc anymore. It is on the Social media. With the burst of Instagram and Snap chat culture the it girl doesn’t just live her dream life she lives everyones.

These are the 10 commandments to be Instagrams #itgirl

  • Offend as often as possible: the opposite of don’t try to please everyone is taken literally in social media banter. The loudest survive.
  • Every it girl no matter how high on her horse is, is always relatable. The mass sees her as a friend, a sister, a muse, a crush.
  • Be the crucified style icon- walk in 5 inch heels if it kills you, wake up with pink gloss and blush kissed cheeks , eat kale and be vegan and memorize every designer name that’s worth knowing.
  • Confidence is key. Even if you are dressed in rags.
  • Your life is a party, always. You are sparkling at every enviable social gathering and breathe champagne.
  • You don’t go to ALL the parties. No some are just too common for you.
  • You falter. Oh yes you have flaws and you proclaim it on broad daylight so that people feel better about themselves too.
  • Friends are great but the right enemies are most important
  • Have the coolest boyfriend. This is a sure shot way to fame.
  • You got it all hence you flaunt it. No censors. You are the star ! 

Now that we have discussed in detail the duties you bear as the ‘it girl’ I am coming back to the golden question. Do you want to be one?

I am not going to answer this for you. It is every girl’s personal journey. Just be warned of whats really in store for you. 

Handbags over Flowers

I read somewhere that a girls mind is as complex as the handbag she wears and even if you mange to get to the bottom of it there is always something inside to surprise you. I couldn’t agree more ! If I could pick out and intenerate the contents of a girls handbag I could tell you all about her personality and some. A lot of genuine research has been dedicated to deciphering a womans personality from the way she carries her bag. Can you imagine something as casual as that can make a statement about you? A handbag is a gender identifier in today’s world. It defines your taste , your priorities and is also a symbol of class. 

Huge bags always gave me a sense of security. I held it against my body as a shield, I hid my personality behind it. Covering your body with a handbag is a reflection of your body self image. A confident woman carries a handbag over her shoulder and does not take comfort crouching behind one. Body language matters.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a Chanel bag.

Holding the handbag in the folds of your elbow or the famous ‘Posh spice’ pose is deciohered by body language experts as sign of empowerment. The bag is your badge to flaunt to the world and gives you great pride but also a tennis elbow in the near future if you are not too cautious.

The infamous dangle it in front of your body depicts a persons insecurities and is clearly not the perfect way to hold any bag/purse.

Since we have sorted out how to hold them lets focus on how to hoard them. All through my 20s I have been collecting bags some cheap and some pricey as if I were collecting medallions.

My biggest fear is that when I die, my husband will sell all my bags for what I told him they cost.

Honestly these are the only bags you will ever need:

  • The multi faceted Black tote. T are overtlyhough this works primarily as a day bag, it is so versatile that it can be paired with almost any outfit. If you are overtly conscious like me I would advice to buy ne in nude too.
  • The evening bag: splurge on this one. It is meant to be bright and bling and define your sense of style.
  • The clutch– one cant live without it. It teams great with your jeans when you head out for coffee with your girls and can easily be carried into a work meeting without the balling of an eye. After all life is all about the hussle. 
  • The red/ orange bag: its quirky, stylish and ideal for the date nights
  • The duffle bag– big enough to swallow most of you inside and perfectly suited for your shopping sprees, weekend getaways and impromptu airport scenes.

Be experimental. A great handbag is like having your best friend attached to your shoulders. Choose it wisely and nurture them well!

Girls come in all shapes and sizes

Every girl has stood in front of the mirror and seen a stranger look back at her. I look at older photographs of myself and realize how “thin” or greatly shaped I was 2 years ago. Yet if you quizzed the 28 year old me, I would have said I was fat and wanted to fit into two sizes lesser jeans. If you think about it in our mind we were always ‘fat’ no matter what shape or size we came in. Starting from 12-30, this is the label I carried on me and it is a heavy one to bear.

The real reason why people generally hate their bodies goes way beyond the scope of a television commercial selling beauty products that endorse a woman’s insecurities in the first place. The truth is we were educated to look at our bodies this way at a very young age and with such logical reasoning that no level of reassurance is ever enough. The wound is not on the outside but rather deep in. We have been carrying our bodies around with mismatched souls trapped inside and dream of bikini models in our eyes. This is neither balanced nor healthy in any which way. 

The commercial ad shoot that you gawk at is highly photoshopped. What you stare at in admiration is a pixilated robotic version of the real living moving human who posed for the shot. The real human being has pores on her skin, wrinkles and hips. While talking about inner healing is all charismatic will you and I ever be healed completely on the inside ? I am only being practical and putting forward an absolute cheat sheat for your body positive journey beginning from outside –in.

Step 1

Understand your body shape (yes, not size/weight in pounds). Women really do come in 4 broad shapes-

Pear- your waist is more endowed than your chest. Those fuller hips are made for goddesses and girl have you got booty! 

Hourglass- you girl are equally gifted with boobs and booty and have a great waist to flaunt. Be proud of this symmetry

Athletic- you are what women sweat in the gym for hours. You are equal in all your assets and you know what you are the luckiest of us all

Apple-  You are that girl blessed with great breasts and small hips! You are a dream other girls yearn for. 

Step 2

Dress right! An hourglass is a great body type but if you cloth it in an A line full dress instead of a body con you are going to look like a nun from the medieval movies and think you look no good at all. The sense is in the styling. Every body shape has its own esthetics that when played right would make every woman look how she wants herself to (thanks to years of conditioning unfortunately).

Step 3

Once you are dressed in the above rule. Stand in front of your mirror and look. Yes first you will see the so called flaws that your brain was programmed to. Speak out loud and name each body part and tell yourself it looks beautiful. There is no shame in having beautiful big breasts or beautiful flat chests. You are beautiful as you are. After a few weeks once you can look yourself in the mirror with only positivity I would suggest- strip and do the same exercise.  Your body is you. You are beautiful. 

Step 4

Go conquer the world !

Food and Feminism

They are the two most passionate topics for me to write upon. Recently while I was conversing with a friend about socialism and its impact on women empowerment he quipped about an incident that took place in early 1960s in Germany. The concept of socialism was strongly creeping among young Germans post the war and in a conference  a brave woman threw a tomato at her male colleage for belittling a feminist speaker. The famous later labeled ‘tomato throwing incident’ became a culture in itself to voice political disagreement. 

A woman’s relationship with food has always been passionate and controversial. From deeming a woman’s place in a kitchen as a symbol of feminine oppression in many cultures to food opening doors beyond borders to women to become Masterchefs and become identities of their very nations. A woman’s equation with food and her role as the primary nutrition provider to the family has bigger economical impacts in various industries.

Food industry in the consumer sector is marketed to tap this very nurturing emotion of a woman. Imagining her responsible for the health and wellbeing of her family and selling to her a number of high calorie and sugar ridden ready- made packaged food as nutritious options. In many ways we are partly to blame. We like the felling of importance that somehow by placing a good looking bowl on the table we would win all the love in the world. This translates to define a woman’s self esteem in various cultures.

Cooking is the biggest form of unpaid labour. Feminism neither pushed the women out of the kitchen nor did it undermine any family values. For generations not all women were happy being bound to an unsalaried underappreciated food business in their homes. it makes no sense assigning gender roles to something as basic as food that a human being requires to survive.

When I was younger I assumed innumerable culinary roles and thrived on the compliments I received for them. There is nothing wrong in loving to cook at home and everything inadmissible in being expected to as a form of duty sometimes sacrificing your whole identity.

Food sovereignty is another blooming movement where women are taking control of what they eat. The movement has seen involvement of women as home gardeners, growing organic produces in their kitchen gardens and making bold decisions opposing consumer trends on what is fed to their family. The attempt to grow what you eat stems from the broad and eco conscious choices of sustainable living and mindful consumerism, both of which are huge learning curves for maturing women. Women with families own up more responsibilities on food than single women, study says. But the trend is slowly changing.

In your 30s its time to make some conscious frugal lifestyle changes and eco conscious decisions simply because we need an earth to pass on to the next generation and also partly because its cool to empower and take control of our lives starting from something as basic as food.

Real Life Wars- My story from being a Victim to a Survivor

Author- Anonymous

The author’s identity has been protected respecting her privacy.

It is no less a nightmare to be abused in your own house that was supposedly your haven. Imagine the same happening in a foreign land. You are separated by from your friends and family by time and distance. You are separated from the locals by language and culture. How does one deal with this war?

From being a victim to a survivor, here is her story.

Fairy tales and movies had romanticised the idea of marriage for me. But my marriage was far from it. It was a sham.

I was put down constantly, criticised, shamed, called names. There was no affection. I pulled on because I was pregnant. I wanted a father for my child. My parents knew. They said a baby will change everything.

It got worse. I was punished for giving birth to a girl. In the land of opportunity, I was isolated from the rest of the world. I was dependent on him. And that gave him power. I had to endure his guilt trips, his anger and rage. My parents knew. They asked me to be patient and told me he’ll change.

The violence started small – it always looked like an accident. ‘Accidental’ tripping over the staircase, ‘accidental’ burns on my hand with a hot ladle/ cooker, ‘accidental’ pouring hot payasam over my thigh…I was made to think I was prone to accidents.

July 7th, 2014 is one day that I’ll never forget. My 8 month old daughter became a football that he could kick and I became his punching bag, literally. 911 was called. The cops were more keen on talking bout ‘fish tikkas’ than filing a complaint. We were both served citations for misdemeanour and were asked to come to court. He was asked to stay separate for a week and moved into a hotel.

I called my parents. While I expected them to ask me to adjust, they surprised me and asked me to pack my bags. My Amma took the first flight out of India and joined me and my daughter. We moved into an apartment nearby. In the meantime, I reached out to the local YWCA for support. They turned me down because I had a citation served as well. The domestic helplines for violence didn’t offer much support. I wrote to the NCW in India seeking help. I felt a glimmer of hope when they responded. But there was a deafening silence from them after I had sent them a detailed email narrating the incidents, sharing pictures of our bruises and the doctor’s reports.

With the support of my family, I found the strength to leave. He begged and cried. I caved in and stayed. I was coerced to drop all charges against him. The day I did, his wild side resurfaced again. I had kept aside an escape bag with two sets of clothing for me and my daughter, along with our passports. And we ran. My solid rocks – my family were my unwavering support system through this all and they continue to be. And it is here, that I have rebuilt our lives over the last five years.
(The NCW did reach out four months later for a legal assistance but I was back home).

Healing after an abusive relationship is difficult. My self-esteem was shattered into pieces.I was angry. Angry that I had become another statistic because of the violence. When I gave birth, I had made a silent promise to shield and protect my daughter. But I couldn’t protect her from her father . I couldn’t protect her from domestic violence. I had failed her. This broke me.

I sought help with a mental health practitioner. It was embarrassing at first. But I soon realised that there are people I could talk it out. If I felt like I wanted to cry I could cry. And when I did cry I could just let it all out. It felt really good because that anger inside me soon dissipated.

I stopped being a victim. I became a survivor. In the last five years, I’ve found strength that I never knew existed. I have realised my worth. Above all, I stand with my head held high, with my baby girl by my side. Together, we march on, with the knowledge that this world can be a great place.

To any victim or survivors out there:

“There is happiness at the end of this nightmare. If you’re willing and open to accept it. Get help. There are services out there who will understand. Call them. Allow yourself to heal. Find ways to build your confidence”.

Like me, I urge you to find your reason to leave. You deserve better. You are a precious human being and you deserve to be treated with respect. And you can’t ever give up. Don’t hurt yourself. Hang in there – you are not alone.

https://happymomlifestyle.com/2020/04/05/emotional-abuse-and-how-to-recognize-it/

Emotional Abuse and How to recognize it?

I can safely assume that by now we as women are liberated enough to recognize physical abuse and raise our voices over it. The same cannot be said about emotional abuse or emotional domestic violence plainly because one has no visible scars to show for the proof of abuse even to oneself. But the scars are real and very much damaging. Experts have defined it as a cycle of abuse because the victim is caught between episodes of abuse and those of unconditional sometimes over expression of love that leaves them confused, makes them bear with it and ensures that it is impossible for them to leave.

I always encouraged my friend to fight back, says my colleague and popular parenting blogger and lodge a complaint but she couldn’t bring herself to because her parents lived far away and she couldn’t go back to her own family too. Poverty has its own cruel reign and her parents could never support her two kids. Going back to her village also meant her kids will no longer have the education they recieved.

So there were three seperate incident that happened where she was physically abused. Her eyes were all swollen and dark. Lots of wounds on her body.Her kids are watching her being abused day in and out. She feared they will grow up thinking that it’s normal to hit a women but little did she worry about verbal abuse even then.

Primarily why are women reluctant to accept that they have been abused?

  • The first and foremost being that they think they have no easy way out or are prisinors of their fate. They cannot imagine a life outside of their domesticated atmosphere.
  • They stay in order to protect others (read the ones they love), this could be out of pity of their abuser or intention to protect a third person in the relationship equation (child/parents/ siblings)
  • The lack of economic freedom to take steps to set up an individual life. You will be alarmed how many educated women are caught in this net.
  • Social pressure- to uphold certain family values and just the general perception of shame attached to accepting abuse. 
  • The lack of support from their peers/ family to come out of the abusive environment. Here again shame and guilt play a major role. 

If you are a survivor yourself, click on to this article.

https://happymomlifestyle.com/2020/04/06/real-life-wars-my-story-from-being-a-victim-to-a-survivor/

The author anonymously narrates her life of abuse , how she went through a pregnancy and her new born was abused too. The story is chilling but she fought out of it. Her story is inspiring, reassuring that there is hope at the end of the road. Read from the link above.

If you know of a friend who is going through such a situation, how can you help them? Understand that they need your support above everything else and an non-judgmental environment to voice their story. A whole lot of shame and guilt is attached to their abuse. You must clearly understand that they love the person who has abused them ( even though you cannot fathom how?) but are now beyond their yellow line of tolerance.

Do not try to fix them. Emotional abuse is very much a real problem and needs a clinical approach by a trained counselor to be treated sensitively. There are NGO and government help lines that can be called 24/7 which provide counseling and legal advice to the victims. 

What are signs one must look out for in an unhealthy relationship?

  • There should be a guarded and stark difference between being possessive of your partner and extreme unwarranted jealousy. This is 70% the cause or red flag of abuse and is most commonly tolerated or overlooked.
  • Controlling even small decisions of your life like how you dress, speak or who you speak to up until where you go.
  • Making threats – of self harm if you do not follow their wishes or threats to harm you/ loved one in any way.
  • The most powerful of all- emotional manipulation, making the abused feel guilty for every action of theirs.

If you find yourself in such a relationship then know very clearly that the situation will not somehow miraculously change or get better soon. You must change before your situation changes and accept the space to heal. Financially empowering yourself is one of the first steps to take control of your situation. Assess where you can get support from. Even though your situation may seem helpless to you there will definitely be one friend / relative who will support you through this but you have to open yourself and ask. Go talk to a professional. Foremost, love yourself. You don’t deserve this whatever may be the situation or explanation. 

There are many organisations and one such is Sayfty. Do check out their survivor kits. It’s an elaborate list of contacts and legal advice

Survivors’ Toolkit

Diaries are a girl’s best friend- not diamonds.

Most of us began writing in diaries when we were probably teens. It transitioned to wordpads, secret online password protected notes but there is something earthy and ethereal about the connections  of the ink to paper. It feels like a painting and not just words. It gives one a sense of release that little else can. I am not going to dwell on the merits of having a physical journal with crisp hand made paper and some pastel flower doodles  over the edges (though it wouldn’t hurt) but rather documenting your feelings.

Yes the F word –feelings. We are so full of it, feelings are what makes us human. Stepping into a decade that is going to demand of you to attach with detachments one must have a device that allows them to step back and analyse what they are experiencing at that moment. I recommend various kinds of journaling in this decade. Yes I am OCD like that, tell me you aren’t. Let us talk about the kind of writing that might free you and more importantly be the blue print for your fourth decade. We are getting ahead of ourselves and being prepared with military diligence.

The five logs one must document this decade

The gratitude journal- this I call the happiness log. Have you noticed you write more when you are melancholic because when you are truly happy one only wants to savor that feeling? Who has the time for a pen then? One would slowly realize that they have very little memory of this happiness and began to ponder if their life is only filled with pointless sadness. This is where the gratitude journal helps. In those desperate lonely times it does good to open and read of all the blessings life has bestowed upon you. I recommend writing everday, even if just clinically the good things that happened to you from morn till eve! This is my happiness diet

The diet book- crash dieting and starving are things of the past. One would find that their body seldom responds to such antics and even if it does for a short while the results are more harmful in the long run. This is also the decade where your metabolism is starting to dip. You find yourself growing love handles eating the same food you did all the past years but were perfectlt fine burning. Losing weight once you have loaded is a herculean task as the years go on. Accept the limits of your body and practice mindful portion control and healthy energy nutrient substitution to your donuts and cupcakes. Once in a while won’t kill you, but making it a habit just might.

The period tracker- you will thank me for this 10 years down the line. The woman’s body is no temple but actually an opera of the feminine hormones that perform a gala every few weeks, the shrills and dips and rises in these eloquent notes is the key to your health and happiness. If the troughs are too deep one must address them immediately because right now you can. I cannot say the same about the 40s though. This is the decade that you take control of your health for a eventfree next 40 years or so. 

The boy guide- I call this the burn book. Every girl needs one. Am done with the experimenting and fooling around. This time I mean business and it does little help to be caught in the wrong company for many years now. This is the decade I look for more meaningful relationships rather than one night stands and girl is it necessary to write this down. Print and frame it on your bedroom wall if you have to. Wake up each day and chant it. Your heart is precious don’t let any man fool around with it. 

Timeline album- my 20s thankfully have been wild and meaningful at the same time. Lets say we did have some divine interventions to save us all. The memories are what we live for and at this age when you can why must you just write? This is a kind of gratitude journal too but with pictures in a timeline starting from my January to December. There is nothing like a timeline album to cheer you up in life. It is your photobiography.

The Essential Cosmopolitans for Survival

Give me a neatly mixed cosmopolitan and I shall conquer the world.

I didn’t always favour the drink to begin with, typically because everyone called it too girly and I wanted to show the world I was made of iron and steel too. Not all girls love Barbies but is it right to shame the girl that does ? Does that make her weak somehow or fit into a box?

But why cosmo? Well, its vodka for one. I prefer to sip on vodka during a social gathering or sip nothing at all. I am not endorsing alcoholism, I am just saying that if a woman wants to drink she should. There must not be any shame attached to it because she is a woman. It is just as right and wrong as a man downing a drink. 

In your 30s you realize you don’t like losing control of yourself mindlessly which is why I stick to cosmos in social gatherings. It gives you the buzz without taking you overboard. There is no class in getting drunk as a doormat and having someone haul you to the safety of your bed.  No we don’t really appreciate the clown you become after two glasses of whisky on the rocks either. You must realize that being the ‘life of the party’ literally translates to the clown one had on their 12th birthday. Consume a drink if you wish but don’t let the drink consume you. One also needs a liver to survive, you know?

Cosmopolitan (the magazine) was the first thing I picked up after every bad breakup, messed up exam or horrifying day at work. It is as comfortable as a faux fur coat somehow. There is a guilty pleasure in staring at pink louboutins, bright red lipsticks and that Gucci bag that you could never afford. I also love how every issue is about sex. Own it girl, you deserve all that pleasure in the world. It was this magazine that introduced me to the boss ladies of the world- beyond colour, creed and nationality. 

Cosmopolitanism- all through my 20s I wanted to be the Queen B of my life with atleast 2 or 3 side kicks. Well the problem with that system is you stop living for yourself and start living for the appreciation.  It’s a self made cage. Lame! With maturity came acceptance. This is what one must work through this glorious decade. Yes it will take that much deprogramming of our systems. Accepting every sized, shaped and spirited person for the beauty in them and realizing that they walk in different shoes which you probably would be too sore in. Hence celebrate their catwalk and uplift each other like queens rightly do. To sisterhood and #womenupliftingwomen 

Adulting – To Adult or Not? Do we even have a choice anymore?

I fully realized on my 31st birthday that my life was taking me on a path. The ‘road not taken’, my life had diverged into a yellow wood and I had inadvertently chosen my fork without realizing I was at the junction. I cannot honestly say Frost would have been proud of my melodramatic breakdown.

Why 31 you ask ? Not my 30th dreaded birthday. Well for my big #30 I was cocooned by the flamboyant extravaganza that was hosted to celebrate my existence of 3 decades (truth be told I haven’t much to my credit except that now I can distinguish between real and fake silk like a pro and give myself perfect manicures that aren’t embarrassing). These unsuspecting souls and 3 rounds of cosmopolitan (the vodka) convinced me that 30’s is the new 20’s (why even?) and our youth is even more primer than prime itself. I kicked back and partied my life on. I should have been warned by the horrible hangover the morning after but youth had its frivolous helmet on my right hemisphere.

A full year of dallying in delusions and dwelling on life in general got me waking up.

Just think about this. I can safely say that I am sorted about the twenties now after I have walked the talk. I know I owned some parts of it and escaped most of it unscathed. But there are chunks of horrifying almost traumatic episodes I wish I had dealt with better. I wish my future (present) self had written a letter warning me don’t look up from that coffee in the college canteen (screwed up 4 good years- on that another day) or what were you even thinking about when you bought that bodycon sequins dress? And girl, this crash dieting is going to screw your stomach! More importantly there are still a list of things I should have ticked off in my 20s that I didn’t get to and instead chose to waste my precious years on unwarranted relationship goop which did nothing advantageous to my self esteem. That was what had to change this decade. 

Once you enter your 30s you are a full adult. Yes, we should have been that legally 12 years ago but did any of us really have our bases covered in the 20s? Wishful thinking 😀 By now most of us have a full time job and the hassle that comes with it. Tell me you love waking up each day to go to work and I will stop writing this right now and go bury myself ! No? Let’s read on.

What are the seven red flags that should lead to the realization that this is adulthood?

  • You are not satisfied with takeaways and swiggying it and want to have a good home cooked meal atleast 4 days a week. Breakfast has suddenly become important to you.
  • You value sleep
  • You have lesser friends than you used to and you find that there are very few people you want to let into your life
  • Money seems to have become a very important factor in many of your life decisions
  • You dress more sensibly and it is no longer a struggle to explore what your style is. Basically you have a style.
  • You realise your body has limits and needs taking care of.
  • By now you are probably responsible for at the least one other human/ nonhuman adult or non-adult. It is not just you and your decisions anymore.

If you have ticked off atleast 5 of the above said seven points I hope this series of articles can bring a sense of control in the mayhem that we call life. Life as we know it. A small survival guide for the next ten years ahead. To own a decade that indeed needs to be celebrated.

Welcoming to Adulting. You have truly arrived.